Krissie

October 15, 2004

Summer 2007

4th of July 2007

Summer 2004. Em, Krissie and Dylan (not Jaxon, I promise)

Krissie has to write a report on her life and asked me to fill in the blanks. She had to do it interview style so I just copied my side. I am posting it here for documentation reasons. WOW! Lots of emotions were flowing. As I am about to have another daughter this was a very emotional thing to write about. Lots of walking away so that Jaxon didn't think I was too sad. I am so lucky for all of the support I have had from my family and friends over the past 14 years. I am amazed that she will be 13 in June. Krissie is an amazing young lady and I am so lucky to have her in my life still . I know that I made the right decision 13 years ago, not to say it makes it any easier. Mother's Day is still hard for me even though I get recognized now. Just one of those things. Krissie is hoping to come out and visit this summer so that she can meet her little sister. I HOPE that she gets too. It would be so much fun to be able to have all 3 of my kids together, even if for just a short time. WARNING... May make you cry.

Krissie you were born on June 24, 1996 at 5:03 PM, weighing in at 7 pounds 3 ounces and was 20 1/4 inches long. You were born at **** to Emily Bradley.
I was induced on this day so that your family could prepare for their trip to come pick you up. I was lucky and got to pick your family for you. I feel like I picked your family because you belonged to them... enough said. They were so excited to come and meet you.
My mom and I went to the hospital early Monday morning to get induced. I knew I wanted an epidural because I wanted to be relaxed and have this be a calm and very positive experience. My time with you was limited so I didn't want to be exhausted. I was induced around 9 am and given an epidural around 11. I took a nap and hung out with my mom and sister Elizabeth. We were laughing and trying to make light of the situation. I called my little sister at 5 Pm and told her to come to the hospital because you were about to be born. She couldn't believe I was so happy being the fact that I was about to push a baby out. I pushed twice and out you came. You were perfect from the moment I saw you. I stayed in the hospital for three days and requested no contact from your family or the adoption agency. I have to admit I was jealous of them and wanted 3 days just you and me. They knew you were safe. For the next few days I held you and loved you, lots of family and friends visited during this time. You are an angel and everyone wanted to meet you before you left for Texas with your family. I will always remember those three days. I am so lucky to still have you in my life and to know that you are with the family you were meant to be with. I love you so much and am so happy to see you with your family and how wonderful of a young woman you have turned into.
I named you Siera Jane because I loved the name Siera and Jane because that is my middle name. When I first met your family they told me your name would be Kristen Alexis. When I saw them a few days later they told me they decided to name you Kristen Siera. I am so grateful they kept a little of your name.
I cried the whole way to the adoption agency and when we got there I took you in a private room before I signed all of my parental rights away. Whoa! I knew that this was going to probably (hopefully) be the hardest thing I would ever have to do in my entire life. I talked to you and told you why I was placing you for adoption. Ultimately it was because of how much I loved you. I wanted you to have the life you deserved and knew that I could not provide you with everything that you deserved. For a minute there I started to change my mind. I got a comforting feeling and knew that your family was in the other room and very anxious to meet you. So I went in the other room and signed all the paperwork. We then had a formal ceremony in which we met your family, listened to songs and I handed you to your mother. It was so hard for me to turn and walk away but had no doubt that this was the right story for your life. I didn't know when I would see you again. I got a call a few days later inviting me to spend time with your brothers birth family. It was so much fun to get to know your parents and be able to spend more time with you. On the 4th of July we took you to the parade in ****, little did we know that this would become a tradition of ours. I cherish these memories.
The first year was hard. It was hard for me to miss your first smile, not to be recognized on my first mother's day, and many other days just because I missed you. But, I was also at peace knowing that you were where you belonged. I am also so lucky that I was invited out to Texas to celebrate your first birthday with you. I asked my sister Elizabeth to join me. A few days before I was supposed to leave my grandmother passed away. This was a hard decision but I knew that since my grandma was adopted herself that she would want me to be with you. My family decided to postpone the funeral a few days so that Elizabeth and I could be with you on your first birthday. I was very nervous to see you again. I feared you would not recognize me and that would have broken my heart. I told Elizabeth that if you cried when you saw me that we were turning around and getting right back on the plane. Well we walked off and when we saw ya'll (Texas style) you reached for me. That made me so happy, it's like you remembered me. I was so happy!!! We had a wonderful time just hanging out with you. Elizabeth and I dressed you up in lots of clothes and took a ton of pictures. It was like we were trying to cram a years worth of memories into a few short days. The visit was short but it was just what I needed to confirm to me that you were in the right place and that your family was meant to be.
The next few years we met you annually in different camping locations in and around ****. We got to visit ****, and other remote locations together. Your family has been so generous in coming to Utah to visit my family. We all love and miss you so it is a nice treat to have you visit.
On October 15, 2004 you were my flower girl at my wedding with my niece Aspen. It was such a special time to have you and your mom with me on a very special day of mine. You looked absolutely beautiful. Everyone was so excited to meet you and couldn't believe how much we looked alike. I love that, but I also love that when I am not around you look like your family. The best of both worlds. Jer and I went to Europe on our honeymoon and had a layover in Dallas. You and your family stopped by for a quick visit and a few pictures. It was short, but sweet. I will never pass up an opportunity to see you or your family.
Summer of 2007 you and your dad came to visit and meet your new little brother. It was so fun to have you visit. We took lots of pictures of the two of you and went to the top of the tram at **** resort. It has been fun to see you grow up over the years. I hope to get to see you again soon. I am proud of all of your accomplishments in life and am so lucky that I get be a part of your life. I love you!!